five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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