I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
