I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize