i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
