I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
