I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
