Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
