Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
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Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
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I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize