My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
