My room smells like vodka and shame
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
