tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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