I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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