sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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