Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I touched a dick in church today
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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