Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
