I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
