I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
