We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
