my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
