HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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