Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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