Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
