i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
