ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
