i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
