so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
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Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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