he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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