So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
