discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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