Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
