I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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