that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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