He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
