in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
