Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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