we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm both gender and math confused
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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