I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
