The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
