Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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