I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
