fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
