My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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