two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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