even my farts smell like vagina
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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