I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
