$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
