I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
