I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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