It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
