dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
