I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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