i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
