the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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