I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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