if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
