I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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