You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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