Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So vagazzling was a success
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
