So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
