I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
