He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
