Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
