she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
