i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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