shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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