Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
