those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
