i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
