I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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