You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Randomize
