Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
