It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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