I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize