i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
