you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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